Updated: Jul 30, 2019
This infinite Universe deserves to be explored and celebrated through a careful balance of introspection and extrospection.
I've always done my best to follow rules and be an upstanding citizen; constantly assessing, and comparing myself to others.
I found myself empty, lonely, and unrewarded.
Rigorous self assessments from an editor in my subconscious seemed determined to steal any and all self esteem.
The journey towards self improvement and enlightenment is a life long pursuit and often, life gets really challenging before the evolution begins to reveal itself.
Trying hard to be perfect and please those around me left me feeling like a fraud. It took personal assessment and brutal honesty to jump start my "awakening". I examined the parts of my life that brought me joy and those that were inspired by my ego in order to disarm the barriers that stood in the way of true connection.
I had been teaching others how to be brave, and love themselves all while I wasn't sure I loved myself. The truth is, I wanted others to like me so much I was willing to throw my needs directly out the window, if that meant they would "approve of me". How was I going to create a better life for myself if I kept seeking love from outside resources?
So, in May 2017, I decided to make self improvement my full time job. I left the comfort of a salaried career and health insurance. I gave most of my possessions away or donated them to charity. I stayed alone with myself, and my amazing dog. I spent weeks alone without communicating with others. I didn't eat much, or sleep much either. What I did was CREATE.
I only did things that raised my vibration and it helped me to uncover what I love about myself.
I created an abundance of ART.
I used my internal guidance to reflect how worthy my art was instead of allowing others to dictate my value.
I connected with my inner child and explored her wounds through play, and play we did!
It turns out, there really isn't anything " wrong" with me, despite how critical my internal voice had been. I had just allowed my external environment to dictate my perceptions. Stuck in a cycle of reacting to external forces without considering how strong and capable I truly was.
Once I started allowing authentic forces to reveal themselves, life became much more fun and easier to manage.
LIFE ISN’T PERFECT why would we want to hold ourselves to this expectation? -LG